By now you have probably heard about the death of Heath Ledger, an actor known for roles in movies like "Brokeback Mountain" and the Batman sequel where he is the Dark Knight's nemesis, the Joker.
I thought it was quite fitting that in his final role before he exited this earth that Ledger chose to portray a character whose permanently and joyfully contorted face belied the emotional maelstrom that churned underneath.
I don't know all of the facts and some are purporting that perhaps Ledger had overdosed on drugs (prescription or not) and suffered from depression. But even if these hypotheses are untrue, are they inapplicable to any other young actor's death in Hollywood?
The life of a celebrity is symbiotic at best and parasitic at its worst. You are dependent on the adoration of others for your survival, yet that adoration does not give way to love or anything that is remotely sustainable.
The Oscar awards are nothing more than Hollywood patting itself on its collective back, a pageantry that is the quintessential answer to the eternal existential conundrum…if no one watched it, it would not exist.
Celebrities may have our admiration, but they do not have our respect. Why else do you think that those at the pinnacle of their career all of a sudden decide to devote their lives to causes of humanity? Perhaps it is also because they realize that fame and fortune do nothing for the soul. And so they turn to satiating desires of the highest intensity…drugs, alcohol, sex and—dare I say—mail-order motherhood.
You cannot find redemption in a bottle, nor can you find peace in a pill. Like is not the same as love, and a heart that tries to find warmth from without will always be cold within.It is only fitting in this world that worships the celebrity as deity would the death of an attractive young actor ignite the blogosphere and media and cause more uproar than a deranged man throwing 4 children off of a bridge.
Many Hollywood legends have chosen to kill themselves with their own vices, while the Invisible Children in Uganda suffer without choices. While the former is sad, it is the latter that is truly tragedy.
So where does that leave you and I, dear friends? There is nothing wrong in mourning the death of Heath Ledger. But the mourning should not just be for his death, but for the society that produced it.
I would not trade grace and forgiveness for all the gold in the world, neither would I do the same for its unending adoration. And like I have said before, when it is my turn to go I will go down clutching hope instead of despair, because I have to believe in something.
So believe in yourself, believe in love, believe in redemption and forgiveness.
But most of all, dear friends, believe in hope.
yaya
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Lies..
Honesty is the best policy, they say. No one likes a liar. No one likes to be lied to. We hear how honesty is so important in a relationship, and we see what lies do to damage them too. It's no mystery, and we are not strangers to it.
What is a liar? Anyone who has ever told a lie? Ooops. I reckon that's you and me, folks. There's not a person here in the room who has never lied. What really gets me though, is when I hear people say how much they despise liars. Men who lie. Women who lie. Oh you love honesty, and liars are scum of the earth. Ooops. I reckon that's you, again.
Is it cool for us to hate someone who lied to us, but conveniently forget that we lie too?
Oh yes you do.
From answering the "do I look fat in this dress?" question, to "I promise to be faithful to you forever" or even just trying to soften the blow... "It's not you, it's me..."
You will almost certainly tell some kind of lie again, before it's over.
Sure, some people lie far more than others. And some lies are far more vast and destructive than others. But is one lie different from another, at its core? Are some lies forgivable, and some not? The real kicker is when people show such great contempt for the liars, that they attempt to cut them all out of their life.
My awesome friend of mine once said that "Sometimes I feel that if I completely cut off everyone who's ever lied to me, then there wouldn't be anybody left."
Bingo.
And to be offended with the liar is a bit absurd. First of all, because you lie too, (and hope to be forgiven, or not get caught), and because they are not necessarily trying to hurt you. If someone hurts you unintentionally, should they be hated and unforgiven, and branded a liar? What if something turns out to be a lie, but really it was more like an honest mistake, or dumb screw-up? Should they be cut out of your life forever? Or this your man lied to you and you are going to find a better man who doesn't lie!
Yeah, um, good luck with that.
People lie for a lot of reasons. But I think the root of it, in many cases, is not to mess you up, it's to cover themselves up. They don't want to look bad. They want you to think highly of them. They don't want you to see the weaknesses or the mistakes. And that is probably the reason, in some form, behind the lies you have told. Could it be that sometimes a person's attempt to lie to you is a twisted form of a compliment?
Sometimes people lie, and you know they are. Especially when men try to lie to women. Women don't even have to figure out a lie, they can FEEL them.
What about intent? Is it far worse if they intentionally lied to hurt you, like a crooked business partner? If it was unintentional, but hurt you anyway, do you hold a grudge and cut them out forever? What about interpretation? One person might say 'you lied to me' and the other says 'no I did not', and both believe they are correct, because of their point of view.
I have admitted some things that I really did not want to admit in life, because I knew lying about it would come back and bite me. I have also dodged issues and been dishonest.
I do prefer to be honest, of course, and if I admit stuff I didn't have to, or could have tried to lie about, it's a much better compliment, because it means I think you are cool enough to understand, and I don't have to cover up with you. But the best way to avoid lying is to live your life in such a way that there is nothing to cover up. Best as you can, at least.
Lying to someone is a screw-up. But there are lots of other screw-ups too. Forgetting your anniversary. Rudeness. Stealing. You can do 'wrong' a thousand ways, and lying is only one of them. And since we all screw up, maybe we don't have to freak out or be too shocked or disgusted when someone screws up with us. It is the way of things. It is the human condition. You screw up too, and want to be forgiven when it happens. Even if you seriously intended to commit the offense, you still hope to find redemption.
Forgiving someone is not just giving them permission to do it again, or saying that what they did was ok. You don't have to keep them in your life, but neither do you have to cut them all out, and be offended over things, even if you have a 'right' to be. Maybe their lying to you doesn't mean that they don't love you.
But maybe the one who lied to you did so, not to ruin your life, or hurt you, but because they are messed up, and need help, or patience, or mercy. Maybe, just like you do? Are we not still valuable somehow, even after our mistakes or poor choices?
Liars.
Are they horrible people?
Careful. You are one.
yaya
What is a liar? Anyone who has ever told a lie? Ooops. I reckon that's you and me, folks. There's not a person here in the room who has never lied. What really gets me though, is when I hear people say how much they despise liars. Men who lie. Women who lie. Oh you love honesty, and liars are scum of the earth. Ooops. I reckon that's you, again.
Is it cool for us to hate someone who lied to us, but conveniently forget that we lie too?
Oh yes you do.
From answering the "do I look fat in this dress?" question, to "I promise to be faithful to you forever" or even just trying to soften the blow... "It's not you, it's me..."
You will almost certainly tell some kind of lie again, before it's over.
Sure, some people lie far more than others. And some lies are far more vast and destructive than others. But is one lie different from another, at its core? Are some lies forgivable, and some not? The real kicker is when people show such great contempt for the liars, that they attempt to cut them all out of their life.
My awesome friend of mine once said that "Sometimes I feel that if I completely cut off everyone who's ever lied to me, then there wouldn't be anybody left."
Bingo.
And to be offended with the liar is a bit absurd. First of all, because you lie too, (and hope to be forgiven, or not get caught), and because they are not necessarily trying to hurt you. If someone hurts you unintentionally, should they be hated and unforgiven, and branded a liar? What if something turns out to be a lie, but really it was more like an honest mistake, or dumb screw-up? Should they be cut out of your life forever? Or this your man lied to you and you are going to find a better man who doesn't lie!
Yeah, um, good luck with that.
People lie for a lot of reasons. But I think the root of it, in many cases, is not to mess you up, it's to cover themselves up. They don't want to look bad. They want you to think highly of them. They don't want you to see the weaknesses or the mistakes. And that is probably the reason, in some form, behind the lies you have told. Could it be that sometimes a person's attempt to lie to you is a twisted form of a compliment?
Sometimes people lie, and you know they are. Especially when men try to lie to women. Women don't even have to figure out a lie, they can FEEL them.
What about intent? Is it far worse if they intentionally lied to hurt you, like a crooked business partner? If it was unintentional, but hurt you anyway, do you hold a grudge and cut them out forever? What about interpretation? One person might say 'you lied to me' and the other says 'no I did not', and both believe they are correct, because of their point of view.
I have admitted some things that I really did not want to admit in life, because I knew lying about it would come back and bite me. I have also dodged issues and been dishonest.
I do prefer to be honest, of course, and if I admit stuff I didn't have to, or could have tried to lie about, it's a much better compliment, because it means I think you are cool enough to understand, and I don't have to cover up with you. But the best way to avoid lying is to live your life in such a way that there is nothing to cover up. Best as you can, at least.
Lying to someone is a screw-up. But there are lots of other screw-ups too. Forgetting your anniversary. Rudeness. Stealing. You can do 'wrong' a thousand ways, and lying is only one of them. And since we all screw up, maybe we don't have to freak out or be too shocked or disgusted when someone screws up with us. It is the way of things. It is the human condition. You screw up too, and want to be forgiven when it happens. Even if you seriously intended to commit the offense, you still hope to find redemption.
Forgiving someone is not just giving them permission to do it again, or saying that what they did was ok. You don't have to keep them in your life, but neither do you have to cut them all out, and be offended over things, even if you have a 'right' to be. Maybe their lying to you doesn't mean that they don't love you.
But maybe the one who lied to you did so, not to ruin your life, or hurt you, but because they are messed up, and need help, or patience, or mercy. Maybe, just like you do? Are we not still valuable somehow, even after our mistakes or poor choices?
Liars.
Are they horrible people?
Careful. You are one.
yaya
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Looks matter?
Isn't it funny what some people will put up with from an attractive person, yet won't put up with from an unattractive person?
I know a guy who will bend over backwards for his attractive girlfriend, no matter how bratty and bitchy she gets, yet with his ex-girlfriend (who pretty much treated him like a King but was only fairly attractive to him), he didn't give a rat's bum about how he treated her.
I know a girl who took so much horsedung her good looking ex-boyfriend flung at her but can't stand the little things her current boyfriend (who is only somewhat attractive to her) does. And he treats her like a Princess, too. Poor chap.
Regardless of what some people say about how looks don't really matter, they really do in the end. I know girls who always talk about how they just want someone who treats them well but once they get that, they look for something better. Having an average looking guy who treats them well just won't do so they start looking for bigger and better-looking fishes who will treat them just as well.
Sometimes, a nice guy with average looks doesn't get enough credit (unless they're on their way to getting an MD, PhD, JD, MBA etc.). You have to admit many more girls will go for an average looking guy if he has one of these degrees over an average looking guy who is in charge of janitorial services at Burger King, who may treat her like she'd want to be treated.
Some girls say they want a nice guy who will treat them right but throw her an average Joe who works at Tacos Deliciosos (but will treat her like a Princess!) and I'm sure some of those gals will throw this guy back into the lake and wait for something bigger to bite. Like a Harvard MBA who has seven figures riding his bank account.
And we can't forget about the gals who take advantage of these do-gooders all the while whining about wanting to find a great guy.
So really, when you say you want a nice guy, you mean a nice guy who also has ambition and someone you can look at without wanting to gouge your eyes out. Right? You really should put that disclaimer in there, somewhere.
Well, at least guys (for the most part) are more honest about wanting someone who is attractive. I don't think this makes them shallow; I think this makes them realistic and honest about what they want in a significant other. Girls who find this to be a turn-off or think they are jerks for wanting this are probably insecure.
In addition:
Treating your friends or family members differently based on how they look is just foul. I met someone who treats her cute son far better than her not-as-cute son and that totally turned me off. It's your family, your blood. You don't favor one over another just based on looks.
And as far as friends are concerned, how does having an attractive friend really help you so much to the point where you'll discriminate against the not-so-attractive ones? Why, because having good looking friends will get you into the club faster? Big whoop.
I think if you need to hold them to such standards, you need to take a good look at yourself in the mirror and ask if looks really matter all that much in a friendship.
Will looks pick you up when you're stranded out in the middle of nowhere? Will looks lend you his/her shoulder when you're feeling down? Will looks bail you out of jail without a second thought? No, but character will.
Sure you may think you look *cool* hanging out with a bunch of great looking people because you probably think you will be good looking and cool by association but grow up. That's so high school.
yaya
I know a guy who will bend over backwards for his attractive girlfriend, no matter how bratty and bitchy she gets, yet with his ex-girlfriend (who pretty much treated him like a King but was only fairly attractive to him), he didn't give a rat's bum about how he treated her.
I know a girl who took so much horsedung her good looking ex-boyfriend flung at her but can't stand the little things her current boyfriend (who is only somewhat attractive to her) does. And he treats her like a Princess, too. Poor chap.
Regardless of what some people say about how looks don't really matter, they really do in the end. I know girls who always talk about how they just want someone who treats them well but once they get that, they look for something better. Having an average looking guy who treats them well just won't do so they start looking for bigger and better-looking fishes who will treat them just as well.
Sometimes, a nice guy with average looks doesn't get enough credit (unless they're on their way to getting an MD, PhD, JD, MBA etc.). You have to admit many more girls will go for an average looking guy if he has one of these degrees over an average looking guy who is in charge of janitorial services at Burger King, who may treat her like she'd want to be treated.
Some girls say they want a nice guy who will treat them right but throw her an average Joe who works at Tacos Deliciosos (but will treat her like a Princess!) and I'm sure some of those gals will throw this guy back into the lake and wait for something bigger to bite. Like a Harvard MBA who has seven figures riding his bank account.
And we can't forget about the gals who take advantage of these do-gooders all the while whining about wanting to find a great guy.
So really, when you say you want a nice guy, you mean a nice guy who also has ambition and someone you can look at without wanting to gouge your eyes out. Right? You really should put that disclaimer in there, somewhere.
Well, at least guys (for the most part) are more honest about wanting someone who is attractive. I don't think this makes them shallow; I think this makes them realistic and honest about what they want in a significant other. Girls who find this to be a turn-off or think they are jerks for wanting this are probably insecure.
In addition:
Treating your friends or family members differently based on how they look is just foul. I met someone who treats her cute son far better than her not-as-cute son and that totally turned me off. It's your family, your blood. You don't favor one over another just based on looks.
And as far as friends are concerned, how does having an attractive friend really help you so much to the point where you'll discriminate against the not-so-attractive ones? Why, because having good looking friends will get you into the club faster? Big whoop.
I think if you need to hold them to such standards, you need to take a good look at yourself in the mirror and ask if looks really matter all that much in a friendship.
Will looks pick you up when you're stranded out in the middle of nowhere? Will looks lend you his/her shoulder when you're feeling down? Will looks bail you out of jail without a second thought? No, but character will.
Sure you may think you look *cool* hanging out with a bunch of great looking people because you probably think you will be good looking and cool by association but grow up. That's so high school.
yaya
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