Lies..

Honesty is the best policy, they say. No one likes a liar. No one likes to be lied to. We hear how honesty is so important in a relationship, and we see what lies do to damage them too. It's no mystery, and we are not strangers to it.

What is a liar? Anyone who has ever told a lie? Ooops. I reckon that's you and me, folks. There's not a person here in the room who has never lied. What really gets me though, is when I hear people say how much they despise liars. Men who lie. Women who lie. Oh you love honesty, and liars are scum of the earth. Ooops. I reckon that's you, again.

Is it cool for us to hate someone who lied to us, but conveniently forget that we lie too?

Oh yes you do.

From answering the "do I look fat in this dress?" question, to "I promise to be faithful to you forever" or even just trying to soften the blow... "It's not you, it's me..."

You will almost certainly tell some kind of lie again, before it's over.

Sure, some people lie far more than others. And some lies are far more vast and destructive than others. But is one lie different from another, at its core? Are some lies forgivable, and some not? The real kicker is when people show such great contempt for the liars, that they attempt to cut them all out of their life.

My awesome friend of mine once said that "Sometimes I feel that if I completely cut off everyone who's ever lied to me, then there wouldn't be anybody left."

Bingo.

And to be offended with the liar is a bit absurd. First of all, because you lie too, (and hope to be forgiven, or not get caught), and because they are not necessarily trying to hurt you. If someone hurts you unintentionally, should they be hated and unforgiven, and branded a liar? What if something turns out to be a lie, but really it was more like an honest mistake, or dumb screw-up? Should they be cut out of your life forever? Or this your man lied to you and you are going to find a better man who doesn't lie!

Yeah, um, good luck with that.

People lie for a lot of reasons. But I think the root of it, in many cases, is not to mess you up, it's to cover themselves up. They don't want to look bad. They want you to think highly of them. They don't want you to see the weaknesses or the mistakes. And that is probably the reason, in some form, behind the lies you have told. Could it be that sometimes a person's attempt to lie to you is a twisted form of a compliment?

Sometimes people lie, and you know they are. Especially when men try to lie to women. Women don't even have to figure out a lie, they can FEEL them.

What about intent? Is it far worse if they intentionally lied to hurt you, like a crooked business partner? If it was unintentional, but hurt you anyway, do you hold a grudge and cut them out forever? What about interpretation? One person might say 'you lied to me' and the other says 'no I did not', and both believe they are correct, because of their point of view.

I have admitted some things that I really did not want to admit in life, because I knew lying about it would come back and bite me. I have also dodged issues and been dishonest.

I do prefer to be honest, of course, and if I admit stuff I didn't have to, or could have tried to lie about, it's a much better compliment, because it means I think you are cool enough to understand, and I don't have to cover up with you. But the best way to avoid lying is to live your life in such a way that there is nothing to cover up. Best as you can, at least.

Lying to someone is a screw-up. But there are lots of other screw-ups too. Forgetting your anniversary. Rudeness. Stealing. You can do 'wrong' a thousand ways, and lying is only one of them. And since we all screw up, maybe we don't have to freak out or be too shocked or disgusted when someone screws up with us. It is the way of things. It is the human condition. You screw up too, and want to be forgiven when it happens. Even if you seriously intended to commit the offense, you still hope to find redemption.

Forgiving someone is not just giving them permission to do it again, or saying that what they did was ok. You don't have to keep them in your life, but neither do you have to cut them all out, and be offended over things, even if you have a 'right' to be. Maybe their lying to you doesn't mean that they don't love you.

But maybe the one who lied to you did so, not to ruin your life, or hurt you, but because they are messed up, and need help, or patience, or mercy. Maybe, just like you do? Are we not still valuable somehow, even after our mistakes or poor choices?

Liars.

Are they horrible people?

Careful. You are one.


yaya